You guys should meet my friend, Bort. He is so popular. And he has more friends than anyone I know. He was the first and only person to tell me that AIM had a limit for adding friends, because he reached that limit! Bort also had to upgrade his cell phone for the same reason. I didn't like that he was deleting my home, work, and pager numbers to fit in all the new girls' digits he met through Sean and James. We always got along because we come from very large families. He's one of the few people I know who lived through second generation hand-me-downs.
Bort and I like to play one-on-one ball when I visit the Bronx. It's no fun though cause I'm only 4'11" and he thinks playing smart is slamming the ball out of my hands every time I go for a lay up. He thinks playing tough will make me a better baller. It's okay though cause when we have handstand contests he always loses, so I win with him sometimes. We always celebrate our victories with Baskin Robbins French Vanilla ice cream cones. Some routines are just too precious to quit.
I met Bort through our mutual friend Debbie. Neither of us are really good friends with her anymore. She's upgraded, holidaying in St. Tropez and partying with celebrities. The plastic surgeons did a good job with her eyelids. She kicks it with Devon Aoki’s DJ brother now. And sometimes appears in music videos with Kanye.
I'm going to be in New York again next week and I can't wait to slap a "Kick Me" post-it note on his back! If you want to meet him, let me know. He loves making friends.