There are three sides to every story. My side, your side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each one differently. - Robert Evans, The Kid Stays in the Picture
i mafia love my friends. they are my family. so it's very hard for me to let go of any one of them. even when i know i should. there are three instances that have caused me to write people completely out of my life.
one person fucked my high school boyfriend. but that wasn't her betrayal. we were young and she was super horny. for a smart girl, she wasn’t too clever. i had forgiven her long ago for her misdeed; she, even choosing me to be her caretaker after a minor operation. it wasn't until she royally screwed over another close friend of mine that i cut her out completely. she had done wrong by a dozen others but i kept giving her chances to prove me wrong -- to show me that she was a good person. apparently, some people aren’t meant to be good people.
on the second occasion, two people caused mad drama in 2002. they entered my life quickly, raping me of everything they needed to climb the new york social scene. i didn’t see it at first as i freely help those around me, new or old, and i’d never experienced this callousness in my lifetime – i was blindsided. before the end, they had manipulated an old friend who had experienced severe trauma to stop being my friend and finished us off by destroying me emotionally. i remember how they'd talk stink about everyone close to them. i never told their friends what they really thought of them. it wasn't my responsibility. karmatically, they are doomed.
i dropped the last person because of his severe inability to communicate properly. there was false forgiveness and unspoken apologies. it wasn’t until our very last correspondence that he expressed any real raw emotions. sadly, too late. this one, i'm most blue about. the robert evans quote above is most appropriate for this ending. perception is a bitch.
last night, the hipster hawks came up in conversation as they were having a party. a good friend mentioned that he noticed i didn’t hang out with them anymore. i simply answered, no we’re no longer friends and left it at that. my friend brought up hate for others. i mentioned that i thought it was a waste of time to go around hating people. hate is a cancer that will consume you. and i want to be consumed by happy things. so no, i don’t spend my days hating. what’s the use? after giving it some thought, my friend concurred that yeah, this was probably a better way to live. hate because of jealousy and insecurity runs rampant in his industry. so he is a little guarded and cynical.
i don't blame anyone for the break ups. i learned painful lessons through it all. i recognize how many people love me. i can't be loved by everyone. and that's okay. my funeral will be packed. i already have rsvp's.
